Ugh. Beyond blah. Bought what I thought was a Team Jacob shirt, but actually a Team Edward. I think I may die with shame.

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Have you ever noticed how when you ask someone the time, they always say, "Now?" 'Tis slightly infuriating and always tempts me to say, "No, in 5 minutes, obviously!"

While on time and my annoyances, do you ever notice when someone looks at the clock and you then ask them what the time is, they always look again. Like, what were you looking at the clock for in the first place? Or do you just have a seriously short attention span?

xx Miss Moi

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Why is it that random stangers feel the need to ask you about you want to do with the rest of your life?

As soon as the words slip your lips that you're in highschool, the automatic question is "what do you want to do when you finish?" For the o.oooo1% of us who have actually figured this, sure, that's great. But for the other lot, who are just trying to get through their next assignment let alone thinking about possibly the biggest decision of our young lives, well, it leads to some awkward fumbling and slurred sentences. What amazes me is the range of people who ask you this - while working at the supermarket the other day, I was asked the very question by a random lady buying cornflakes. I mean, come on, do you really think I'm going to have a heart to heart over a cash register?

The generic answer is, of course, "I'm still deciding between some different pathways". It's always a winner, as it lets people think you're really intellectual and mature, while those pathways actually include the escape exits - front or back, which should I choose? But of course, this all collapses if they ask which pathways they might be. We've already had a discussion (okay, me rambling for half a page) about awkward silences, and this is another surefire way to create one. You may be thinking 'is this girl socially challenged?', but I assure you, I'm not. I am perfectly able to create conversation. But come on. This is extreme circumstances. Bluffing can of course be used, in which the anwerer comes up with a random career path they have no real intention of following, but sounds real enough. My personal favourite is "something in Public Relations". If anyone can tell me what this actually is, I'll give you 50 bucks*.

Alas, after many trials and errors, I have come to the conclusion that there is no safe answer and mostly end up just saying "I don't know". This either has one of two reactions; a sympathetic nod, complete with head lean, or a half hour rant about how today's society is corrupting our youth. Neither are exactly optimal responses, but will have to do under the circumstances.

But for you, my dear readers, I will try to answer this century-old question as truthfully as I can. When I finish school I want to travel for a ridiculously long time, living on nothing more than a shoestring and go into complete denial about any responsibility or choices I have to makes. There. I'm sure my 90-year-old grandfather will just love that.

xx Miss Moi

*Okay, I admit I was bit dramatic. No, I will not be giving anyone $50. Sorry to get your hopes up ;)

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Why is it that you can never get a pair of stockings that actually fit you?

I am a serial stocking killer. I freely admit it. Judge me as you may, but first just listen to my story. Every single stocking company has a different system of sizing - some use XS, S, M, L; others use Petite, Average, Tall; and some, and what I am about to say may shock some people, have a 'one size fits all' policy. I know, disgusting. No matter what size I try, I never seem to be able to find a pair of stocking that actually fit me. They're either way too small, and cross down around your knees, or way to big, and stretch up above your head (a safety risk in itself). One might say, well why not just fold it down. Ah, my uneducated one, you try breathing with five layers of stocking wrapped around your waist.

The immediate problem with the small is, of course, the inability to walk, a skill I think we all like to possess, but more importantly the dreaded ladder. It is the global disaster of the school girl. No one can truly understand the horror of finding that little tiny hole on your knee unless they've experienced it themselves. I always got weird looks from my brothers when I came home in tears after a seemingly harmless hole appeared in my stocking. But if only they knew the terrors that were soon to unfold. This tiny hole soon becomes a little bigger, with a tuft of string hanging loose. While sitting bored in class one day you look at the tempting string as it seems to say to you, "oh, what's the harm? I'm just a little bit of string, what can I do?" You grasp it in your quavering fingers and in one foul swoop, you yank that string with all you've got. Instantaneously a thousands tiny ladders spring out from all sides, creeping down your legs and bringing terror upon you. "Please forgive me, Please forgive me," you cry to the stocking gods. "I didn't know, I didn't know!"

Such a sad, sad scene. No amount of nail varnish can save you now. You must walk around as the other girls laugh at your holey stocking as you try to make jokes about how 'holy' they are. Nobody's laughing.

I say we start a movement. The Global Stockings Movement. If you see some poor sod wearing a pair of stocking with ladders in them, than laugh at their jokes! Cry out in joy at the hilarity of the double use of the word 'holy'! Together, we can change the world, one stocking at a time!

xx Miss Moi

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Stingy Chocolate Makers!

Why, why, why! We were all devastated only a week ago to find out that Cadbury were repackaging, to a "new sleek, stylish and modern carton, enhanced by gold-stamping and embossed features". Yeah, right. Because we buy a bar of chocolate as a piece of art. But more devastating than the packaging was what was held inside - "a more contemporary design chocolate square size" which "provides greater ‘mouth-feel’ enhancing the chocolate delivery". Basically what they're trying to say is that they've downsized - 150g block is now 100g/110g, the 250g is 200g/220g and the 400g is now 350g. No joke. As well as all this (yes, there's more, my poor readers) they have changed their classic recipe, now adding vegetable fat to their chocolate. What more can my poor heart take!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it gets worse. Today, Mars Snackfood Australia have announced that Mars Bars, along with Mars' 90 other products (think Milky Ways, Maltesers, Snickers and Twix) will also be downsized! !!!! !!!!! !!!! The bar will drop from 60g to 53g - that's over 11% less! In their new advertisements, Mars says, "Our products are never going to be as healthy as a piece of fruit. But we also recognise that our consumers have become increasingly concerned about the nutritional content and portion size they eat." Yes, your chocolate will never be healthy, but isn't that kind of the point? You don't buy a chocolate bar and think 'Hm, I hope one day this will be as healthy as an apple", you buy it and think "Yay, sugary goodness! Yum Yum!" And a little question for you Mars people - if this is just about being 'healthier' than how come the price is, suprise suprise, exactly the same? Hmm?

With all the global recession, people are all focusing on how hard it's hitting industries, the unemployed, pensioners - but the key demographic they forgot is chocaholics. Seriously, life is getting hard for us, chocolates are getting smaller, more expensive and (I think I may be a little sick) 'healthy'. Ah, what ever shall I do...

xx Miss Moi

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Awkward Silences!
We've all had 'em, we all hate 'em. And unfortunately, there seems to be no way to get past a really big awkward silence. Whether it's with your 90 year old Grandma or a friend you've known for years but never actually had a conversation with, it doesn't matter how long you sit there trying to think of something interesting to say (and "It's raining" doesn't count, as Cady showed us in Mean Girls) it seems to just get more and more quiet. The depressing thing is how these silences can pop up without you even noticing it - one moment you're chatting and the next that creeping feeling comes over you as you realise you've said everything there is to say!
A particularly horrible place to be gripped by an awkward silence is on the phone - that pause when you don't know whether to hang up or keep talking. Then a silent struggle ensues, when you can't tell if that noise was a 'bye' or a 'yes' or a 'if you hang up that phone you're dead!'.
While there really is no real sure fire way to stop an awkward silence, avoidance is necessary and possible. In my experience, talking about anything to do with the weather only adds to the problem and silent nodding - well, you're just digging your own grave. Ask the other person open-ended questions such as "What did you do on the weekend?", rather than "How was your weekend?", which more often than not is anwered with "good". Not very helpful when trying to start conversation! If the other person continues to keep quiet, then these questions can be used for yourself - talk about anything and everything and just keep talking until you get some conversation flowing! Outline an entire football match you saw, or explain why your dog is the cutest in the world (a competition which, by the way, you've already lost. Mine is so much cuter).
But at the end of the day, sometimes awkward silences are unavoidable, and in these situation, there's only one thing to do - embrace the awkwardness! Relish in the panic that grips you as you search the recesses of your brain for something, anything, while secretly planning your escape!
Good luck!

xx Miss Moi

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