I go back to school tomorrow. Sad, but unfortunately true.

You know that feeling you get right before you have to do something you don't want to, that unwarranted sense of dread like the world is about to collapse and there is nothing you can do about it but eat some icecream and wallow in your sorrows. It creeps up on you from the moment you're at the halfway mark of your holidays, and can no longer tell yourself you have ages left. Each day of that gloomy week a weight is put on your heart, growing heavier, heavier, heavier. The night before is the worst - it's like Sunday night but without the good TV. There is no way you can deny it any more, as hard as you might try. Gone are the days of waking up half an hour before you go back to sleep, the days of going into the city DURING the day and seeing people stare at you in awe, and most importantly the days of being able to go to the bathroom without having to get permission from a middle-aged discontented teacher. Sigh.

But back to the feeling - it's not just before bad things. Right before you're having a party, for example. That half hour where you sit around worrying that no one will turn up and you'll be left all alone with a packet of streamers and a bowl of punch. Everything's laid out, everthing prepared and there's nothing you can do but... wait. There's nothing you can do, the inevitable is soon to become the reality. Before a test, when you wonder if you have in fact done enough (in my case, most likely not). Before an awkward telephone call to, perhaps, tell your boss your quitting (something I still haven't quite got the guts to do). It's when you're nerves kick in and you're common sense goes out the door. You know that there's nothing you can do, and while this should be a consolidation it soon becomes a fear.

So, what to do in these times? Well, isn't it obvious. Nothing.

xx Miss Moi

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