In a moment of sheer madness I decided to see Transformers 2.

I was genuinely excited. I know. Crazy, right? Why did I ever think I - the absolute hater of action movies and, come to think of it, alien robots - would ever actually like it? Okay, I know sort of know why. The massive poster of Shia LaBeouf at the front of the cinema might have influenced me just an incy tiny bit. But that is beside the point. The point is that I must warn anyone who is considering, as I so innocently did, going to see this film. Yes, Shia is gorgeous and in many of the scenes, but seriously, it is not worth sitting through 3 hours of random action sequences and the most horrible script I have ever seen. Just Google him.

You may think I'm being too harsh, and I probably I am. But seriously. This movies goes for three hours. I felt dumber when I left. We start by seeing a completely random fight scene that lasts for about 15 minutes and leaves me thoroughly confused about what the hell is actually going on. Cue, three teenage boys to my left laughing and telling each other how 'sick' it is. Ah, there's your reason. After this randomness is finished, we cut to Shia getting ready to leave for college, with all the schmaltzy stereotypical parent goodbyes, when, and we've only been stationary for about 3 minutes, little alien robots attack him and set his house on fire. But hey, that happens to me all the time. I mean, only yesterday an alien civilisation asked me to help them. Totally normal. Granted it's not meant to be taken seriously (at least I hope not), but no one seems too worried. His parents talk about how excited they are to go on some trip, and his girlfriend comes over and says her goodbyes and they make out like there isn't a destroyed house and police officers running around them. As you do.

To the movie's credit, there is an attempt at a plot line. But what chance did it really have? Whenever we start to get any dialogue (which is, admittedly, kind of funny at times) there's another battle scene randomly chucked in there for no reason. You can really tell they wanted to show off there super duper CG and make sure they got their buck's worth, but to tell you the truth I was either yawning or feeling a bit motion sick. There's only so many spinning shots you can do in such a short period of time. From the intermitten bits of dialogue, I think the plot had something to do with some war and some government officials, but that's all I got.

Most of the characters seem to be there just to say their one-liner and leave with no background to what they're actually doing there. Australian beauty Isabel Lucas spends about 5 minutes onscreen, in which she is either blatantly cracking on to Shia (every teenage boy's dream) or being an alien robot. What an amazing role. And don't get me started on Megan Fox. Seriously, I love you, but please buy a proper bra if you're going to be running all over an Egyptian desert.

Okay, I have officially had my bitch session. For any teenage boy - the only demographic who might actually be able to sit through this - this is probably a dream come true. But for everyone else, run screaming.

xx Miss Moi

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