Have you ever noticed people say some very funny things when they get worked up?

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I am not a serious moments kind of gal. I've tried. I have. But serious moments make me cringe, and cringing just  takes the whole seriousness away, so basically we're back to square one.

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I'm sorry I haven't been blogging. My teachers have decided to give me ten trillion assignments.


"Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework! Why are you watching television?"



"It's okay, Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."
 
xx Miss Moi

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If you do babysitting, or are contemplating the thought, it's time I got you acquainted with a little friend of mine called Mr CS Lewis.

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Ugh. Beyond blah. Bought what I thought was a Team Jacob shirt, but actually a Team Edward. I think I may die with shame.

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If you were me, you might get the idea that wild animals kind of hate my guts.

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Have you ever noticed how when you ask someone the time, they always say, "Now?" 'Tis slightly infuriating and always tempts me to say, "No, in 5 minutes, obviously!"

While on time and my annoyances, do you ever notice when someone looks at the clock and you then ask them what the time is, they always look again. Like, what were you looking at the clock for in the first place? Or do you just have a seriously short attention span?

xx Miss Moi

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I had one bout of running.

It happened last week. It was an average Sunday afternoon, and I was faced with the pile of homework I was kind of of meant to do last week, and decided it was the perfect oppurtunity to start the fitness routine I've been meaning to do for, what is it now, years? Anyway, enough of that, back to my story. So, I went for a run. Not just a 'that was such a big hill, time to sit down' (I say this because that is the majority of my PE class). This was a super duper half hour, continious run, where I ran continiously for half an hour. Oh yeah. That's right.

So I came home totally refreshed and proud of my awesome running skills. Had dinner, avoided homework, went to sleep, etcetera, etcetera. Woke up in the morning and - kablamoo. Complete and utter pain. Like you would not believe. All up and down my legs. As I stepped. Every step. ... Sorry, I just had to take a moment I was reliving the utter PAIN that I had. So burrrrrr, fast forward, rewind, stop, hobbling to school with my friend and trying to act like, hey, this is good, this is fat burning and pure muscle forming! (I think I may have actually pulled something, but anyway). And she asks me, 'Miss Moi, did you stretch?' Silence. Silence. Silence.

Stretch? What is this? I do not stretch. That is what you do in primary school where you fly your arms everywhere and try to hit the other kids. People actually stretch? This is serious news to me. Anyway, I decided not to let this little hiccup get the better of me and went for a SECOND RUN. Note the capital letters, as this is an important part in you realising truly how much of an idiot I am. I mean, you can see the ending already, but no, I of course though I had struck gold. Sigh.

Anyways, got home, put on some deep heat (liquid heaven), did some demented stretches and got back out there! It actually wasn't too bad, the pain had kind of faded, it was a beautiful day, I'm young, free, invincible... Next morning. Oh. My. God. Literally cannot bend my legs. Think they may have to be amputated. Am considering how this will affect my chances at being an olympic runner. May have to give up this fleeting dream. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

xx Miss Moi

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The way I see it, there are three types of blogs.

1. The Diary Style. Normally daily, just titbits of the authors life. To tell you the truth, it only really works if you have an interesting and awe-inspiring life. Which sadly, I do not. It would mostly involve a lot of complaining about assignments, some stuff about the weather and many mentions of chocolate.

2. The Comment Style. Commenting on current stuff, mostly celebrities, movies, etc. All well and good, but what happens if you don't have a strong opinion on something? What happens if you are interested to see New Moon, but aren't queueing up for the midnight session? Or, yeah, Miley Cyrus pisses you off, but you kind of like her songs?

 3. The Funny Style. Just plain hilarity. Completely random things that make you laugh. The last, and possibly the hardest, blog. 'Cos basically, you just need to be freaking funny. Which again, I am not.

And then there's me. Hm. Random writing that I'm not even sure people actually read (although I do have four followers - thankyou so much guys, I think you may be clinically insane, but thankyou!) and I have constant arguments in my head about actually writing. (No, seriously, you think those two little people on your shoulders doesn't actually happen, I have news for you.) (It does.)

I think I've proved my point by writing a blog about writing other blogs. Makes sense, right?

xx Miss Moi

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Yes, I know, I'm a horrible blogger, what am I even writing for, who do I think I am, 2 blogs and then KABLAMOO, nothing for 2 months. But such is life, my sweet. Deal with it.

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Do you ever have one thing among all the craziness that makes you just step back and go 'wow'. Mine are normally really stupid little things that actually mean nothing but that take me by total surprise.

Example One: Allow me to introduce Person A. Person A enjoys Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. Okay, in actual fact Person A is simply a guy at my school, you know the type, never do any work, always mess around and are most likely doing some kind of drugs.

So, as the story goes, I am sitting on a couch in the Library during a free period, quietly minding my own business when KAZAAM! my pencil case and all my other books go flying off my seat. I'm putting the books on my lap away so I can lean down and get it (a massive task as I always seems to have ten billion, after starting off with one...) when Person A, sitting on the couch next to me, leans down and picks them up for me. It literally caught my breath a little. And no, not because we had a Hollywood moment where I look up and he's leaning into me. Just because it was the absolute last thing I expected someone like Person A to do. Maybe snigger to his mates or make some joke about being 'un-co', but never actually help me. And it made me think; would I do the same if it happened to him. Most likely, no. Because I'd written him off as a tool. It made my day.

xx Miss Moi

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One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea. "Driver? Can I drive for a while?"
"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope?
So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington -- dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off.
Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.
"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.
"Who is it? Is it a senator?"
"No. More important."
"The president?"
"No. More important."
"An ambassador? Who?"
"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."

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I feel like writing a list. I have an inherrent love of lists, as you've heard before. But I haven't really sat down to a good list in a very long time. Sure, there's been a few to do's (currently very large so I probably shouldn't be sitting here writing this) but no good, hearty lists. So now I will attempt one.

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I go back to school tomorrow. Sad, but unfortunately true.

You know that feeling you get right before you have to do something you don't want to, that unwarranted sense of dread like the world is about to collapse and there is nothing you can do about it but eat some icecream and wallow in your sorrows. It creeps up on you from the moment you're at the halfway mark of your holidays, and can no longer tell yourself you have ages left. Each day of that gloomy week a weight is put on your heart, growing heavier, heavier, heavier. The night before is the worst - it's like Sunday night but without the good TV. There is no way you can deny it any more, as hard as you might try. Gone are the days of waking up half an hour before you go back to sleep, the days of going into the city DURING the day and seeing people stare at you in awe, and most importantly the days of being able to go to the bathroom without having to get permission from a middle-aged discontented teacher. Sigh.

But back to the feeling - it's not just before bad things. Right before you're having a party, for example. That half hour where you sit around worrying that no one will turn up and you'll be left all alone with a packet of streamers and a bowl of punch. Everything's laid out, everthing prepared and there's nothing you can do but... wait. There's nothing you can do, the inevitable is soon to become the reality. Before a test, when you wonder if you have in fact done enough (in my case, most likely not). Before an awkward telephone call to, perhaps, tell your boss your quitting (something I still haven't quite got the guts to do). It's when you're nerves kick in and you're common sense goes out the door. You know that there's nothing you can do, and while this should be a consolidation it soon becomes a fear.

So, what to do in these times? Well, isn't it obvious. Nothing.

xx Miss Moi

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In a moment of sheer madness I decided to see Transformers 2.

I was genuinely excited. I know. Crazy, right? Why did I ever think I - the absolute hater of action movies and, come to think of it, alien robots - would ever actually like it? Okay, I know sort of know why. The massive poster of Shia LaBeouf at the front of the cinema might have influenced me just an incy tiny bit. But that is beside the point. The point is that I must warn anyone who is considering, as I so innocently did, going to see this film. Yes, Shia is gorgeous and in many of the scenes, but seriously, it is not worth sitting through 3 hours of random action sequences and the most horrible script I have ever seen. Just Google him.

You may think I'm being too harsh, and I probably I am. But seriously. This movies goes for three hours. I felt dumber when I left. We start by seeing a completely random fight scene that lasts for about 15 minutes and leaves me thoroughly confused about what the hell is actually going on. Cue, three teenage boys to my left laughing and telling each other how 'sick' it is. Ah, there's your reason. After this randomness is finished, we cut to Shia getting ready to leave for college, with all the schmaltzy stereotypical parent goodbyes, when, and we've only been stationary for about 3 minutes, little alien robots attack him and set his house on fire. But hey, that happens to me all the time. I mean, only yesterday an alien civilisation asked me to help them. Totally normal. Granted it's not meant to be taken seriously (at least I hope not), but no one seems too worried. His parents talk about how excited they are to go on some trip, and his girlfriend comes over and says her goodbyes and they make out like there isn't a destroyed house and police officers running around them. As you do.

To the movie's credit, there is an attempt at a plot line. But what chance did it really have? Whenever we start to get any dialogue (which is, admittedly, kind of funny at times) there's another battle scene randomly chucked in there for no reason. You can really tell they wanted to show off there super duper CG and make sure they got their buck's worth, but to tell you the truth I was either yawning or feeling a bit motion sick. There's only so many spinning shots you can do in such a short period of time. From the intermitten bits of dialogue, I think the plot had something to do with some war and some government officials, but that's all I got.

Most of the characters seem to be there just to say their one-liner and leave with no background to what they're actually doing there. Australian beauty Isabel Lucas spends about 5 minutes onscreen, in which she is either blatantly cracking on to Shia (every teenage boy's dream) or being an alien robot. What an amazing role. And don't get me started on Megan Fox. Seriously, I love you, but please buy a proper bra if you're going to be running all over an Egyptian desert.

Okay, I have officially had my bitch session. For any teenage boy - the only demographic who might actually be able to sit through this - this is probably a dream come true. But for everyone else, run screaming.

xx Miss Moi

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I love lists. If you say that you don't like lists, then you're in serious list denial and need to go write a list about it. Everyone makes lists, from the mega, i.e. 100 things to do before I die (number one, meet Zac Efron) - to the not so mega, i.e. things to buy at the supermarket (number one, Zac Efron). They help put our lives in order. When things get way to stressful, write a list about and suddenly everything is in one neat, orderly package. What's not to like?

Many magazines, TV shows and movies throughout the ages have used lists to try and make people laugh, bring up ratings and basically fill in that extra page on the back of their magazine. I personally love Jamie's list in A Walk To Remember, but the unreputed master of list making must of course be David Letterman. His 'Top Ten' Lists are legendary and give inspiration to us lowly listmakers. My personal favourite is his "Top Ten George Bush Moments", at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w73dVVPRk0. It's a list AND it insults George Bush! Snaps!

Now, here is where my previous promise comes into play. You know, about making my blogs a bit more personal and trying to shift that hazy mist that always seems to develop whenever I start to mention anything whatsoever actually about me. I could continue this blog by putting in some funny lists off Google, but no, I'm going to tell you the start of my list of Things To Do Before I Die. It's very dodgy and nowhere near completion. Here goes, in no particular order...

1. Swim with a dolphin
2. Take the next to taxi to the airport and catch the next plane leaving
3. Run a marathon
4. Go parachuting
5. Plant a tree
6. Do standup
7. Bungee jumop
8. Learn to fly a plane
9. Go in a hot air balloon
10. Ride a camel along a beach
11. Make a meal from only the ingredients in my backyard
12. Teach someone to read
13. Go stargazing
14. Have my portrait painted
15. Go to the opening night of a ballet
16. Be in three places at once
17. Go to my school's 20th reunion
18. Shower under a waterfall
19. Fall in love
20. Have my heart broken
21. Learn to yodel
22. Jet ski
23. Learn a foreign language
24. Go skinny-dipping at midnight
25. Send a message in a bottle
26. Learn to ballroom dance
27. Write a novel
28. Experience weightlessness
29. Drive across Australia from coast to coast
30. Sleep on a beach under the stars
31. Drive a convertible with the top down
32. Have a midlife crisis
33. Scuba dive
34. Go to a football match
35. Go to a rock concert
36. Visit every continent on the planet

Any suggestions? What's on your list?

xx Miss Moi

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I realise I have no right to sit here and write another blog. I have abandoned you for far too long to ever show my face in this town again. I am an outcast, a shunned, an 'omg, what is she doing here?'

But I must get down on bended knee and beg for your forgiveness. I have no excuse; no dog has mutilated me, no guy crushed my heart, no assignment kept me in my room for weeks. Hell, I've been on holidays for a week now! I am going to be blatantly honest with you - I, Miss Moi, ran out of things to say. There, it's out. I can't take it back now. I know you never thought it could be true, but alas, it is. I know it's spinning your world off it's axis but they are no other reasons. I simply had nothing to talk about.

Here's where you get rewarded for coming back and reading this - I now do! I went off for three long weeks and searched for things to say, for the meaning of life and all that jazz. And now I'm back and I'm going to do the only thing I know how - I'm going to blog about it. Don't expect daily monologues, just some good old-fashioned blogging. It's going to be a bit less impersonal and you may actually find out somethings about me (shock, horror). Thankyou for weathering out the storm. You shall be rewarded.

xx Miss Moi

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Write down your deepest fears, tear them up and put them in the bin.

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My new craze is the English comedian, Ross Noble! You might have seen him on Rove last week (hilarious) and he's touring Australia right now. He's in Perth on Wednesday, I wish I could go...

Go to http://www.rossnoble.co.uk/ for his official site (although I'm warning you, it's really really weird) and go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5p3OtlqnVs for his Rove interview.

xx Miss Moi

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"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there."

- Will Rogers

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Make a mess and clean it up.

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"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."

- James Dean

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Yves Saint Laurent Y-Mail Range

The new range from YSL are way too cute. With a stylish postcard design, complete with address and stamp, it'll deliver you instant style. It comes in a range of products, such as wallets, card holders and handbags. Unfortunately they'll set you back some pretty hefty sums (think in the $800 region). Go to http://www.cultstatus.com.au/.

Maybelline New York Colossal Volum' Express

It's meant to give you 9x larger lashes with the new "collagen formula", but I find all that a bit creepy. No, I just love the bright yellow container and cartoon large brush! Go to http://www.maybelline.com/ for more info and to order, and also check out the Mascara 101 and How-To videos while you're there.

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I can't wait to see the new movie Nine, released in November. It's directed by the same person as Chicago and stars Fergie, Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruz, Kate Hudson and Sophia Loren. Need I say more?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O6vvK6XdKQ

xx Miss Moi

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You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'

- George Bernard Shaw

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Why is it that random stangers feel the need to ask you about you want to do with the rest of your life?

As soon as the words slip your lips that you're in highschool, the automatic question is "what do you want to do when you finish?" For the o.oooo1% of us who have actually figured this, sure, that's great. But for the other lot, who are just trying to get through their next assignment let alone thinking about possibly the biggest decision of our young lives, well, it leads to some awkward fumbling and slurred sentences. What amazes me is the range of people who ask you this - while working at the supermarket the other day, I was asked the very question by a random lady buying cornflakes. I mean, come on, do you really think I'm going to have a heart to heart over a cash register?

The generic answer is, of course, "I'm still deciding between some different pathways". It's always a winner, as it lets people think you're really intellectual and mature, while those pathways actually include the escape exits - front or back, which should I choose? But of course, this all collapses if they ask which pathways they might be. We've already had a discussion (okay, me rambling for half a page) about awkward silences, and this is another surefire way to create one. You may be thinking 'is this girl socially challenged?', but I assure you, I'm not. I am perfectly able to create conversation. But come on. This is extreme circumstances. Bluffing can of course be used, in which the anwerer comes up with a random career path they have no real intention of following, but sounds real enough. My personal favourite is "something in Public Relations". If anyone can tell me what this actually is, I'll give you 50 bucks*.

Alas, after many trials and errors, I have come to the conclusion that there is no safe answer and mostly end up just saying "I don't know". This either has one of two reactions; a sympathetic nod, complete with head lean, or a half hour rant about how today's society is corrupting our youth. Neither are exactly optimal responses, but will have to do under the circumstances.

But for you, my dear readers, I will try to answer this century-old question as truthfully as I can. When I finish school I want to travel for a ridiculously long time, living on nothing more than a shoestring and go into complete denial about any responsibility or choices I have to makes. There. I'm sure my 90-year-old grandfather will just love that.

xx Miss Moi

*Okay, I admit I was bit dramatic. No, I will not be giving anyone $50. Sorry to get your hopes up ;)

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Britney's coming downunder!

There's been speculation for months, but it's finally been confirmed! Britney's coming in November for only a few 'exclusive' shows. I know what you're thinking - great, that means Perth misses out, doesn't it? I have good news for you - she's actually coming here first! Omg!

The official dates are...

Perth - Burswood Dome
Friday, 6 November 2009

Melbourne - Rod Laver Arena
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Thursday, 12 November 2009

Sydney - Acer Arena
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Friday, 20 November 2009

Brisbane Entertainment Centre
Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Tickets come on sale Friday, 3 July. Unfortunately it will set you back up to $200, but come on. It's Britney.

xx Miss Moi

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We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw

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Why is it that you can never get a pair of stockings that actually fit you?

I am a serial stocking killer. I freely admit it. Judge me as you may, but first just listen to my story. Every single stocking company has a different system of sizing - some use XS, S, M, L; others use Petite, Average, Tall; and some, and what I am about to say may shock some people, have a 'one size fits all' policy. I know, disgusting. No matter what size I try, I never seem to be able to find a pair of stocking that actually fit me. They're either way too small, and cross down around your knees, or way to big, and stretch up above your head (a safety risk in itself). One might say, well why not just fold it down. Ah, my uneducated one, you try breathing with five layers of stocking wrapped around your waist.

The immediate problem with the small is, of course, the inability to walk, a skill I think we all like to possess, but more importantly the dreaded ladder. It is the global disaster of the school girl. No one can truly understand the horror of finding that little tiny hole on your knee unless they've experienced it themselves. I always got weird looks from my brothers when I came home in tears after a seemingly harmless hole appeared in my stocking. But if only they knew the terrors that were soon to unfold. This tiny hole soon becomes a little bigger, with a tuft of string hanging loose. While sitting bored in class one day you look at the tempting string as it seems to say to you, "oh, what's the harm? I'm just a little bit of string, what can I do?" You grasp it in your quavering fingers and in one foul swoop, you yank that string with all you've got. Instantaneously a thousands tiny ladders spring out from all sides, creeping down your legs and bringing terror upon you. "Please forgive me, Please forgive me," you cry to the stocking gods. "I didn't know, I didn't know!"

Such a sad, sad scene. No amount of nail varnish can save you now. You must walk around as the other girls laugh at your holey stocking as you try to make jokes about how 'holy' they are. Nobody's laughing.

I say we start a movement. The Global Stockings Movement. If you see some poor sod wearing a pair of stocking with ladders in them, than laugh at their jokes! Cry out in joy at the hilarity of the double use of the word 'holy'! Together, we can change the world, one stocking at a time!

xx Miss Moi

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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-Anonymous

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I was worried, to say the least, to hear about the two American journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, who have been sentenced to two years hard labour for committing a 'grave crime'. After the April nuclear tests in North Korea, I seriously worry about what going to happen next.

This is no laughing matter, but seriously, North Korea has now threatened to test-launch a new, more advanced missile if the UN doesn't apologise for condemning their April launch. Hm, that sounds really logical to me *sarcasticness emanating off*. And come on Hillary - saying that your considering putting North Korea back on the list of 'Countries Who Support Terrorism'? Oh, I'm sure it's got them quaking in their boots, and sending your journalists right on home.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend I have any clue about anything to do with politics or this situation, because let's be serious here. I'm a 14 year old girl sitting at a computer on the other side of the country. I wouldn't have a clue about how any of this works. But it seems to me (and please dont judge me if I sound naive) that the US treads a fine line between doing just about nothing and meddling way beyond what they should. I mean, it's my understanding that a US ship docks in Fremantle each year that 'will not be confirmed' whether it has nuclear substances on it or not. And of course Australia sits here like the little kid we are while the big bully knocks us round a bit and tells us to shut up. America has meddled in hundreds of countries, including our own (need I remind you of WW2) and yet can I seriously sit here and say that we could have done without that? No. Sure, they nuclear bombed the hell out of Japan, absolutely devastating entire regions, but at the end of the day we most likely would have lost the war without them. It's that horrible fine line of something you're totally against, and something you can't live without. Please leave me a message telling me if I'm completely wrong or your thoughts. To tell you the truth, I'm a bit short on material, so what better way to get people talking than write about politics ;).

xx Miss Moi

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This week I'm obsessed with...


kikki.K
This too cute Swedish brand has a wide range of quirky stationery and gifts inspired by "Swedish design with its simplicity and clean lines". My favourites are the Luft Jelly Notebook and the Conversation Starters (shown left). They're perfect for those awkward silences at dinner parties, with questions like 'My most embarrassing moment is...', 'I'd like to be reincarnated as...' and 'Five famous people I'd invite to a Dinner Party'. All of their stuff is very Ikea-ish and way too cool for school. Go to http://www.kikki-k.com.au/.

Daisy by Marc Jacobs
The new fragrance range by Marc Jacobs is summery and fresh - the best way to get you over those winter blues! Its fragrances are infused with gardenia, wild strawberry and violet and jasmine petals. The bottles are very sweet, with flexible vinyl petals on a pretty gold lid. Of course, they're a tad on the expensive side at around $80 for 50ml, and we are well out of Spring, but it's still a lovely fragrance and well worth the splurge. You can get them from Myer, David Jones and http://www.daisymarcjacobs.com/.




xx Miss Moi

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"In the hopes of reaching the moon, men failed to see the flowers blossoming at their feet."

- Albert Schweitzer

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Tupperware is possibly the best invention created by man.

I mean, let's be serious about this. Sure, the lightbulb is great and electricity is pretty handy, but at the end of the day would you prefer to have a lamp or a container that fits five smaller containers in it? Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, how much quick would Thomas Edison have been able to create the lightbulb if only he had had an organised kitchen. We can only imagine...

I still remember when the tupperware craze hit all those years ago and everyone was cracking jokes about women meeting up to discuss plastic containers (the infamous 'Tupperware Party') to hide the fact that their cupboards stocked a seperate tupperware container for each different ingredient. And one for their lunch. And dinner. And pet food. And dead hair. Or maybe that was just me...

We moved house around the time that tupperware hit, so Mum took it upon herself to kit us up with a whole new set of kitchen utensils and containers, and continued to spend a good five hours organising our entire pantry. Each container had a different label, each type of ingredient had a specific colour and every thing had a place. The amazing organisation blew our tiny minds, and sent my brother into an episode of shock. It all lasted about a week. The coconut got mixed with the self raising flour, the brown sugar with the white and the bread crumbs with the baking powder. Basically, complete and utter chaos. I suppose the moral of this story is that tupperware is amazing, and at times I think perhaps supernatural, but there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can organise our pantry. I attempted to do an excavation some years ago, but had to abort when I found an ulterior lifeform growing in a jar of chutney that went off in 2003 (our current record). I expect the guys from Evolution to arrive any day now.

I guess the attraction of tupperware is its, well, handyness. The quirky simple that has made many businesses successful - Smiggle, for example. Then again, maybe it's just the fact that it's freaking awesome. Hm.

xx Miss Moi

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Lady Gaga has released the official video clip for her song "Paparazzi". It's superbly weird, seems like soft porn at many spots and is a bit on the freaky side. But it's uttery awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQJ9Vi8GLok

xx Miss Moi

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Oh, how I love to laugh at footballers being idiots!

Ben Cousins is in the hot water again (when is he not?) after flipping his middle finger on national television. Didn't some alarm bells ring? Anything? No? The controversial footballer, who was kicked off the West Coast Eagles in 2007, looked down the barrel of the camera before Saturday night's game against Fremantle (his first at Subiaco since being sacked) and gave the one fingered salute, which was then broadcasted all over Channel Ten news. Not only did this provide some very embarrassing comments from AFL chiefs such as Andrew Demetriou ("We don't want any players doing that sort of thing, let alone Ben Cousins"), the Richmond Tigers have fined him $5000. He later said it was a joke for the "van man" and that "within our family we all do it to each other as a joke gesture. I've even seen my grandmother do it". Well, I think I'm starting to understand a bit of Ben's problems.

But, to be fair, if I was constantly under the spotlight like football players, especially a previously self-confessed drug addict like Cousins, I'm sure there would be times that I'd do things that even I wondered about. Actually, I already do that now. Maybe we (namely I) should lay off him - I'm sure the 5000 dollar fine is giving him enough grief as it is. And hey, at least he beat Freo.

xx Miss Moi

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I made this last night, it's so unbelievably easy but full of flavour ;)

Linguine with mint pesto

400g linguine
1 1/2 cups frozen peas
1/2 cup mint
1/2 cup grated parmesan
1/2 cup olive oil
1 garlic clove
2 tbsp pine nuts

Cook linguine in a large saucepan of boiling water, according to directions. Add peas for last 5 mins of cooking. Drain well.
Meanwhile, place remaining ingredients in a food processor and blend to a paste.
Combine mint pesto and pasta. Divide between bowls and scatter with extra mint leaves.

xx Miss Moi

p.s. I used a handheld blender instead

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• The rose is the flower for June, and the pearl is the gem.
• The first of the month is Breast Check Day - go to http://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/ for more info.
• May and June are also the months for Australia's Biggest Morning Tea - go to http://www.biggestmorningtea.com.au/. I'm holding mine next weekend :)
• It's apple month, with Fuji, Golden Delicious, Pink Lady and Granny Smith all coming into season. Time to bring out that apple pie recipe...
• National Sorry Week is from Wednesday 27th May to Wednesday 3rd June. The theme is "See a person, not a stereotype".
• It's the 'Winter Solstice' on the 22nd - the longest day of the year!
• Nicole Kidman turns 41, Angelina Jolie turns 33 and Johnny Depp turns 45 (*tear*)

Happy June!

xx Miss Moi

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Stingy Chocolate Makers!

Why, why, why! We were all devastated only a week ago to find out that Cadbury were repackaging, to a "new sleek, stylish and modern carton, enhanced by gold-stamping and embossed features". Yeah, right. Because we buy a bar of chocolate as a piece of art. But more devastating than the packaging was what was held inside - "a more contemporary design chocolate square size" which "provides greater ‘mouth-feel’ enhancing the chocolate delivery". Basically what they're trying to say is that they've downsized - 150g block is now 100g/110g, the 250g is 200g/220g and the 400g is now 350g. No joke. As well as all this (yes, there's more, my poor readers) they have changed their classic recipe, now adding vegetable fat to their chocolate. What more can my poor heart take!

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it gets worse. Today, Mars Snackfood Australia have announced that Mars Bars, along with Mars' 90 other products (think Milky Ways, Maltesers, Snickers and Twix) will also be downsized! !!!! !!!!! !!!! The bar will drop from 60g to 53g - that's over 11% less! In their new advertisements, Mars says, "Our products are never going to be as healthy as a piece of fruit. But we also recognise that our consumers have become increasingly concerned about the nutritional content and portion size they eat." Yes, your chocolate will never be healthy, but isn't that kind of the point? You don't buy a chocolate bar and think 'Hm, I hope one day this will be as healthy as an apple", you buy it and think "Yay, sugary goodness! Yum Yum!" And a little question for you Mars people - if this is just about being 'healthier' than how come the price is, suprise suprise, exactly the same? Hmm?

With all the global recession, people are all focusing on how hard it's hitting industries, the unemployed, pensioners - but the key demographic they forgot is chocaholics. Seriously, life is getting hard for us, chocolates are getting smaller, more expensive and (I think I may be a little sick) 'healthy'. Ah, what ever shall I do...

xx Miss Moi

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I try not to give into the whole Disney team. I do.

You know, the teenage stars made by Disney Channel - Hannah Montana, High School Musical, the rapidly dissapearing Hilary Duff and the like. But seriously, it's hard. I mean, take High School Musical for example. Everyone is constantly euphorically happy (the meanest they get is fighting for a part in the school play. O, wow, the claws are coming out now) and break out in song and awesomely choreographed dance every five minutes. And throw Zac Efron into the mix, and how can you expect me to resist?

I am in no denial about my love for Zaccy, and I apologise to the hundreds of people I've just offended by saying that. But the Jonas Brothers? Now that's a different story. The goody-too-shoes, hair-straightening, pop-singing trio, the latest creation from Disney who publicly flaunt their 'promise' rings. Their songs are cheesy, their shows make me queasy (note my amazing poetic ability) and they optimise tweeny-bopper trash. Yet I am hopelessly in love with them. What should be for 11 year old girls I lap up - I mean, what's not to love? Okay, I acknowledge I just spent the last paragraph bad mouthing them but we all know I'm in seious denial here. And who wasn't expecting that? I love Zac Efron, for god's sake. Let me introduce you - there's Jo, the middle child, the one most people love, the one who straightens his hair on a daily basis; there's the weird older one who no one knows the name of and just kind of stands at the back looking dorky; and then, there's Nick... the youngest, with massive curly hair and baby-est face you have ever seen. Ah, why does my heart taunt me so?

I don't think their's anything Disney puts out that I won't fall madly in love with, as hard as I might fight it. This has been a long standing tradition - at eight I watched with complete fascination every single thing Hilary Duff made, even the weird stuff after Lizzie Maguire finished. Now the new wave threatens to keep me as a tween until I'm 90 years old. At least there's one thing I can say for sure - I will never succumb to the Cyrus. But that's another blog.


xx Miss Moi

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What are we coming to when almost on a weekly basis more schoolyard bashings are showing up? I was absolutely shocked and disgusted to hear about the 15-year-old girl from Queensland who was bashed by three other teenage girls, while bystanders filmed it on their mobiles. The year 11 student was confronted on her way home from school and bashed repeatedly in the face and thrown onto the road. A crowd formed, some of whom started filming it. Her attackers than warned her to 'get her coffin ready' if she told anyone what happened and left her, bloody and bruised with a broken nose. The police have charged one seventeen year old girl with assault and warned more arrests were to follow.

And yet, this isn't unusual in the least. In fact, it become part of the norm in news headlines. A culture of bullying, and more recently cyberbullying, has been in schools and teens for, well, ever. With new advances in technology, it, unfortunately, creates a new forum for people to be harrassed and tormented. While I've never seen or experienced anything as disgusting as this, everyone, and I mean everyone, has seen, and maybe done, some kind of bullying. It's just those little things that you don't really think much of but that can have a huge effect on people, like posting a bad photo or making a mean comment. You just don't know what will tip people over the edge. So please, please, please, make sure you think before you act, especially online where the entire world can see it, and just think what effect something might have on everyone involved. In saying that, if there's anything that offends you in anyway on this blog, please just comment it and I'll modify or take it off straight away. And if you have any problems, please call the Youth Helpline on 1800 55 1800.

I'm sorry to have such a serious blog, but rest assured tomorrow it will be back to Twilight and bad haircuts tomorrow.

xx Miss Moi

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This week I'm obsessed with things too cute for words and making a statement...

Harajuku Lover's Fragrance

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Let me set the scene for you - I sit eating my sandwich one cloudly day, just minding my own business and, let me note, not bothering any member of the wasp family. Suddenly a scream rips through my peaceful existence and my friend stares in horror at the beast sitting on my head. What ensues, I do not wish to impart on my dear readers, but let it be known that horrors witnessed that day will haunt me for the rest of my life. The aftermath paints enough of a picture - myself, gripping a wall for support and struggling for breath, my saviour, screaming in the corner and two innocent bystanders on the other side of the path, attempting to comprehend what has just happened. No, this isn't some old 80's horror flick, this is real life. This is a wasp.

It might seem like I'm overreacting to the unintiated, but to those among you who have experienced such an attack, only you can truly understand.

So, where does my insane fear come from? I see myself as a pretty level-headed person, but I end up screaming and running around like a headless chook at even the thought of wasps, bees, cockroaches or basically insects in generally. But, if I think about it, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I mean, humans are scientifically acknowledged as the most dangerous predators on Earth and a wasp doesn't even make the top ten. So what am I really scared of? Is it the sting the wasp can give me? Sure, it stings a bit, but not that much and I can inflict a lot more damage on it - just by stinging me it's now dead. Maybe I'm afraid of fear itself? Hold on now, I think I'm getting a little too big for my boots (leather, mid-calf, to die for) here. I guess my point is that sometimes we can be scared of the stupidest things, and if you just step back and look at it, it ain't that bad after all - but there are times where fear is really good and really necessary. Each year more people die from bee stings than all other venomous animals combined, and you're more likely to be killed by a cow than a shark. So maybe I'm not crazy after all.

xx Miss Moi

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Just a quick blog for all The Sims fans out there - the third installment is released down here on June 4th! With even more flexibility and customization, I can't wait for it to come. According to it's website, The Sims 3 allows "new realistic personalities.. every Sim is now a truly unique person, with a distinct personality". Even better than meeting real people! See the trailer at thesims3.ea.com and you can preorder at ebgames.com.au, but it will set you back 100 big ones - not suprising compared with the ridiculous prices of the originals.
I am a self-confessed Sims addict, and have spent too many hours to count playing this totally addictive game. A fan since it's early years (so many eons ago), I've bought a steady flow of all the new additions (I swear I've kept there business afloat!). But I'm not entirely sure whether I'll buy this one yet - I've found The Sims has the unsavoury quality of sucking away my time and leaving me with nothing to show for it (apart from a pretty impressive family tree). And I've often become frustrated with the (very effective) marketing strategy of adding key elements - that you have to buy another game and spend $50 for. It ends up costing more for my Sim to have pets and parties than for the game itself. I say all this, but I know in my heart that I'll be the one queueing up at the crack of dawn to have the first copy... Ah, my sole weakness...

xx Miss Moi

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Awkward Silences!
We've all had 'em, we all hate 'em. And unfortunately, there seems to be no way to get past a really big awkward silence. Whether it's with your 90 year old Grandma or a friend you've known for years but never actually had a conversation with, it doesn't matter how long you sit there trying to think of something interesting to say (and "It's raining" doesn't count, as Cady showed us in Mean Girls) it seems to just get more and more quiet. The depressing thing is how these silences can pop up without you even noticing it - one moment you're chatting and the next that creeping feeling comes over you as you realise you've said everything there is to say!
A particularly horrible place to be gripped by an awkward silence is on the phone - that pause when you don't know whether to hang up or keep talking. Then a silent struggle ensues, when you can't tell if that noise was a 'bye' or a 'yes' or a 'if you hang up that phone you're dead!'.
While there really is no real sure fire way to stop an awkward silence, avoidance is necessary and possible. In my experience, talking about anything to do with the weather only adds to the problem and silent nodding - well, you're just digging your own grave. Ask the other person open-ended questions such as "What did you do on the weekend?", rather than "How was your weekend?", which more often than not is anwered with "good". Not very helpful when trying to start conversation! If the other person continues to keep quiet, then these questions can be used for yourself - talk about anything and everything and just keep talking until you get some conversation flowing! Outline an entire football match you saw, or explain why your dog is the cutest in the world (a competition which, by the way, you've already lost. Mine is so much cuter).
But at the end of the day, sometimes awkward silences are unavoidable, and in these situation, there's only one thing to do - embrace the awkwardness! Relish in the panic that grips you as you search the recesses of your brain for something, anything, while secretly planning your escape!
Good luck!

xx Miss Moi

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I have to admit, I was a bit sceptical of the whole Twilight saga. I mean, a highschool vampire romance. A bit ridiculous, yes?


For those of you who have been living under a rock, Twilight is a series of books that have had teen girls, and those few adults who admit to reading it, going crazy. Late last year I decided to finally read the first installment after much encouragement from my fanpire and twihard friends. Oh. My. God. Sure, it's not mastefully written and you hear a lot avout how perfect Edward's face, smile, eyelashes and nose hair are, but it is ridiculously good. I read it pretty much constantly for the next week. I have to warn you, although you've probably already read it, this stuff is like a drug. It cloud your every waking (and dreaming) moments and makes it ridiculously hard to do just about everything. I scabbed thenext two off friends and the saw the movie as soon as it was available. I'm bow half way thorugh the last one, Breaking Dawn, and read snippets every so often. I have to admit, I'm purposefully trying not to finish it because I think I might go into serious depression when it finishes.


But do I recommend it? To tell you the truth, I'm not entirely sure. I have some major problems with the whole concept. Throughout the entire series Bella, our main character, and Edward continiously tell of their great love for eachother and how it will overcome anything, and Bella goes through a few traumas for this, given they aren't intentional. I may just be reading into it too much, but it seems to me to be sending the message to young girls that 'hey, a guy can hurt you, but as long as he love you, it doesn't matter'.


Well, no matter what I think about it, I should get it out there here and now that I'm not in fact suffering from OCD (Obsessive Cullen Disorder) but... on Team Jacob! I'm sorry to offend all the thousands of Robert Pattison fans, but my heart will always be with the werewolf... ;)


xx Miss Moi

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Everyone has had at least one bad haircut, so you know the feeling that your entire world is collapsing because you share some uncanny resemblances to a poodle.

I have been lucky enough to have had very little bad haircuts, a part from a few manic streaks that, instead of disappearing, turned a weird shade of orange. But this all changed when I decided to get a ‘quick trim’ while getting my hair straightened at the hairdressers. I’ll let you in on a little secret about my hair; there is no ‘quick trim’. As much as I love my hair, there is so much of it that it often blows out to insane proportions and I wonder how I manage to hold my head up with so much weight on it. The poor hairdresser looked at it with obvious terror in her eyes, but bravely set to work. I told her I normally have a side fringe type thing (really just a cowlick gone wrong), and she swept it all to side. This whole fiasco is really my fault, because it is at this point that I should’ve stepped in and said something, but instead I quietly nodded as she snipped along this line. She then asked me to style my hair as I normally would, and in doing so I saw with great terror the small tuft of hair popping up. I’ll be the first to admit it, I am an extremely dramatic person and I had to fight hard to hold back tears as she tried to flatten, spray and eventually just chop at this horrible mess. After smiling my way out of the shop, I sat in tears on my bed and refused to speak to anyone, mourning the loss of my perfect hair and devising ways to avoid being seen with it. Running away and joining the circus crossed my mind. I could be part of their freak show, "The Girl with the Demented Hair".

After a few hours of private contemplation, I realised I might have slightly been overreacting. It was nothing some careful handy work with a straightening iron and a can of hair spray couldn‘t fix - but people don’t seem to realise the great importance hair is to us. Celebrities and everyday people alike spend hundreds of dollars to get the perfectly ‘natural’ hair. There are scientific methods to do just about anything to your hair, from making it straight to curly, long to short, frizzy to smooth, and everything in between. But there is one thing that can’t be changed - the fateful snip snip of the scissors and the disgusting mess you’re left with. Oh well, maybe poodle’s coming back in.

xx Miss Moi

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